The Monster Upstairs

For the last month or two I have been in Heaven. I didn't realize it because you sometimes don't notice how good things are until they go away. In the space of a couple of days, my unknown bliss has evaporated. This is due to the fact that I have a new upstairs neighbor (or it is still my old neighbor, he was just out of town for a reeeally long time). I went to bed at about 9:45 last night, but the racket didn't completely stop until about midnight. I am telling myself that it is a new neighbor, and that this neighbor suffers from some pretty bizarre maladies that render him/her/it incapable of silence.

1. Chronic Lumbering Pedestritis: A condition which renders the sufferer incapable of walking softly upon any surface, resulting in dull thuds accompanying any movement on foot.

2. Jeff Lewis Syndrome: Results in the inability of JLS + persons to settle on the proper placement of heavy furniture. Those who are JLS + can drag cumbersome objects from one place to another well into the middle of the night.

3. Whatdoicareaboutmyneighborswhomayhavejobssotheyhavetogetupinthemorningphilia: Pretty much what it sounds like. Primarily involves implementing conditions 1 & 2 after 10pm.

This is about what I picture my upstairs monster to look like:

Note the watch is 10:10, time to get to work!